I was 38 years old when I voted for the first time. The date was February 5th 2008, the day I voted for Barack Obama in the Georgia Democratic Primary. To help understand the personal significance, allow me to give some background. I was born and raised Italian/Irish in New York City, in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood called Washington Heights during a time when it was called “The Crack Capital of America” by the NY Times. Out of my Junior High School and High School graduating class, some are dead from drug overdose or drug related violence, a few more have spent their lives in and out of prison and many others are still struggling to recover from the scars and legacy of drug use and abuse. When I see news clips from the Middle East, the sound of random gun fire sometimes reminds me of summer nights during my childhood growing up in Washington Heights. Parental guidance was a laughable myth, politicians only pandered Uptown during the closest of elections and a police presence was non-existent as they were content to let the natives police themselves. To put it short, you had to have some bad fucking luck to be born where I come from. In my eyes and in the eyes of my community voting was a privilege reserved for downtown people, rich people and more specifically, rich white people(Yes, I know Italian/Irish is considered White, I’ll tackle my race identification and biases another time) and so I never wasted my time or my energy on voting.
Then I heard Barack Obama talk about hope during his Iowa Caucus Victory Speech. When he said “Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it and to work for it and to fight for it.” I instantly thought of all my classmates from Washington Heights, and the stairs crowd from Pinehurst (my Under the Bridge) and the McDs crowd who didn’t make it as I had. For my entire life I equated success with wealth creation, with hustling. I had escaped the ghetto of my childhood and never looked back. After hearing that speech I realized that I learned all the wrong things during my childhood and I’d lived my life in the most shallow and meaningless of ways. Now I feel that if all I do with my life is to create more wealth and hustle to create more distance between me and where I came from, I have failed.
One thing we know how to do where I come from is smell bullshit and so now that I'm paying attention, every injustice and racist dog whistle and MSM or politico misrepresentation offends me personally and deeply. Semantics, body language, unspoken words, positioning, pandering, begging and lying are all so easy to see if you’re looking. And so, I have become utterly inconsolable and very angry but it feels great! Maybe this blog is the beginning of my figuring out how this new awakening will manifest itself in my life into action and tangible results. Perhaps I’ll go back to the hood and teach the value of a formal education or of political activism and community support to a group of knuckleheads like myself, if only to provide some of the guidance I never had. Maybe I’ll just read Hemingway and listen to Miles with them to show them there is a massive world outside the hood. I don’t know yet. If Obama has taught me anything its that one person CAN make a difference. In the meanwhile I, at the very least, hope this outlet will be self-educational and therapeutic. If I get that, I’ll be happy, anything more would be wonderful.